Dead.

Welcome to the crossroads where I am so super confused.
I dun know what to do and at the moment I dun know who can I really talk to about this. My best friend is preoccupied with his a level and stuff and I can't possibly take up his time with his gf.
Today, I had fellowship with a group of friends. I was talking to one of them about my future. And this few months, there has been something going on. But I never go into details. The reason simply is that I guess some people just dun like to listen to your grouses and they dun wanna hear the bad/whiny/pathetic stuff in your life. I dun know if the friends I hang out with are like that. But there is a fear that i might drive this people away from me that prevents me from sharing the things that are going on. The other thing would be that if I were sharing this particular incident, I might be judged by them for this unglorifying incident. How can one ever say they never judge, they will never say it openly, but in their minds, they already formed an image of what this person is and their personality. I had even judged one of my accord and I am guilty too. So if I cannot even do what I say, wouldn't others do the same too?
Finding a friend is easy, but finding a friend that listens and understands and helps is difficult. The friend I talked to said the group was sufficient for me. I wondered can a really close friendship bond be made there? I have made friends but the bond I dunno. I guess when it comes to friendship, I still am cautious for once bitten twice shy.
Got to sleep. Did not sleep for 72 hrs. Night.